The End?

As I near the end of the semester – the last semester- I consider the future. Until now the future seemed somewhat certain. At the end of elementary school you go to middle school, then off to high school and then college. But after college? The next step is foggy.

Reading The Death of the Artist certainly helped me get a realistic understanding of the arts as a career, and how competitive and often unreliable that kind of path can be. I pushed back against the book’s focus on the arts as a career, because most of the art I have done hasnt been for a class or job, but simply for fun. Knowing this, I had always tried to pair my more creative endeavors with something “stable,” like my dual degree in film and psychology.

It seemed safe to have a backup of sorts. So when applying to jobs, stability was my primary goal. Yet as always, the job application process was one of the most disheartening and tedious tasks ever, with a huge influence over my life.

I always refer to it as shouting into the void, because that is exactly what it feels like. So as graduation loomed nearer I kept applying, and the future looked like a steep cliff rapidly approaching. None of my friends were finding jobs, and my luck was no better. Worry. Feelings of failure. All that good stuff.

Yet as we near the last weeks before graduation, things are looking up. My friends have gotten interviews, I got one myself, and the looming cliff after graduation has smoothed into a steady incline. Interestingly enough, my creative endeavors have slowed during this process, and I am looking forward to a time when existential worry will make way for creativity.

Nothing is set in stone yet, so there is plenty of time for last-minute panic and some extra existential dread. But seeing small successes, even the tiniest indication of the path forward, is incredibly reassuring.

I can see a time beyond graduation when I get to work on professional projects I care about, while using my free time to express myself creatively. All without homework! It sounds almost too good to be true, and to be fair, I have to get there first. But for the first time in a while, it feels doable.

I guess shouting into the void works sometimes.